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Having just seen a post by smartgolfer, this tale came to mind.
I was out in the local park and saw a blind guy with his guide dog. He paused for a breather and the dog cocked it's leg and p**sed all down the blokes trousers.
He did no more than reach into his pocket, pulled out a biscuit and fed it to the dog. I commented to him that this was a wonderful act of charity considering what the dog had done.
He replied, "Nay lad. That's not an act of charity! I was feeding it a biscuit so I could find out which end it's head was and kick it's bloody arse!"
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.
Goodbye tension, hello Pension!