Home

   Log in or Register



Insurance Quotes
forums Campsite Search Comp Directory tips virtual brochure Profile
Tent and Awning Reviews Competitions Caravans and Motorhomes For Sale Shopping Diary Contact Us

Advertisement

Message Forums

Welcome Guest Register Login Search The Forum Posts Since Last Visit
 Reception - All Forums
   Chat , Games, Trivia etc -  Jokes and Funnies
Share   Tweet This!  Share on Facebook  Email  Printer Friendly Version Print
Subject Topic: I`ll get my coat. (Please add more)
Page:  1  2  3  4  5  6  ....  9 Post Reply Post New Topic
Message posted by Bridgelayer29/3/2021 at 1:11pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Bridgelayer
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   735

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

The police rang me today to say they've recovered my stolen sofa.


Which I thought was nice of them. It was starting to look a bit scruffy.


I'm having a quarantine party this weekend.
None of you are invited.


Two salesmen were going door to door, when they knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them.
She told them that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door.
To her surprise however the door did not close and, bounced back open.
She tried again and again convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door.
She reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:
"Madam, before you do that again, you might need to move your cat."


Post last edited on 29/03/2021 13:15:02

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by The Vicar30/3/2021 at 10:12am
Outfit:  Coachman Pastiche 525 4     Location:  Suffolk
Joined: 20/3/2009
View The Vicar's Profile View Profile   Reply to The Vicar Reply   Quote The Vicar Quote  
The Vicar
Avatar
Gold Member
Gold Member

Forum Posts:   395

Site Reviews Total: 7
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

My next door neighbour has given me a large plastic sheet to cover my caravan.


Ta Pauline

-------------
A Fart is only Natures Ringtone

Finish what you sta

Message posted by Rod+Ali31/3/2021 at 3:26pm
Outfit:  Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible     Location:  Perth
Joined: 31/12/2006
View Rod+Ali's Profile View Profile   Reply to Rod+Ali Reply   Quote Rod+Ali Quote  
Rod+Ali
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   684
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 21
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 2  
Site Reviews 2020: 1  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 7
Site Nights 2020: 8
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 6

The police came to my door the other day with a photograph

"is this your wife?" asked the officer.

When i confirmed that it was my wife and asked what was wrong - he said

"It looks like she's been hit by a bus"

"I know" I said "But she's great with the kids"

-------------
"quando omni flunkus moritatus"

Message posted by SGThomas02/4/2021 at 8:31am
Outfit:       Location:  
Joined: 16/10/2007
View SGThomas's Profile View Profile   Reply to SGThomas Reply   Quote SGThomas Quote  
SGThomas
Avatar
Diamond Member
Diamond Member

Forum Posts:   6435
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 114
Site Reviews 2022: 2  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 15 
Site Nights 2022: 35
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 98

Q: "how did you know how to do things before Google?"

A: " our generation were so clever we didn't need it ...but we realised our kids were a bit thick and lazy so one of us invented google for you, and the rest of us told google what we knew already"

-------------
Stuart


April-Jul 2020 Awandering we will go ( Oh if only!)

Message posted by Mike3003 via mobile 02/4/2021 at 9:36pm
Outfit:       Location:  
Joined: 15/7/2013
View Mike3003's Profile View Profile   Reply to Mike3003 Reply   Quote Mike3003 Quote  
Mike3003
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   1455

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

The chap who invented the “Spell Checker” recently passed away.

May he rust in pi*s.

-------------
Not ALL Newts get p**sed.

“Semper Fidelis”

Advertisement


Message posted by Rod+Ali03/4/2021 at 8:31am
Outfit:  Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible     Location:  Perth
Joined: 31/12/2006
View Rod+Ali's Profile View Profile   Reply to Rod+Ali Reply   Quote Rod+Ali Quote  
Rod+Ali
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   684
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 21
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 2  
Site Reviews 2020: 1  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 7
Site Nights 2020: 8
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 6

The man who invented predictive text has died...............His Funfair is on Sundial

-------------
"quando omni flunkus moritatus"

Message posted by moppetsdad03/4/2021 at 9:57am
Outfit:   A full biohazard suit     Location:  The foot hills of north norfolk
Joined: 29/3/2009
View moppetsdad's Profile View Profile   Reply to moppetsdad Reply   Quote moppetsdad Quote  
moppetsdad
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   1019
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 0
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0


Where did house spiders live before humans built houses???

-------------
David

    

   Just call me two jabs! Now three jabs


Message posted by Rod+Ali03/4/2021 at 12:43pm
Outfit:  Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible     Location:  Perth
Joined: 31/12/2006
View Rod+Ali's Profile View Profile   Reply to Rod+Ali Reply   Quote Rod+Ali Quote  
Rod+Ali
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   684
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 21
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 2  
Site Reviews 2020: 1  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 7
Site Nights 2020: 8
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 6

Went to Kwik-Fit yesterday and asked them to fit new tyres on my car

"All round?" asked the fitter.

"No" I replied............"I'd like square ones on the front"

-------------
"quando omni flunkus moritatus"

Message posted by Pixie_Hez03/4/2021 at 2:11pm
Outfit:  Swift Challenger 560     Location:  Liverpool
Joined: 05/7/2003
View Pixie_Hez's Profile View Profile   Reply to Pixie_Hez Reply   Quote Pixie_Hez Quote  
Pixie_Hez
Avatar
Diamond Member
Diamond Member

Forum Posts:   1653

Site Reviews Total: 78
Site Reviews 2022: 1  
Site Reviews 2021: 11 
Site Reviews 2020: 8  
Site Reviews 2019: 17 
Site Reviews 2018: 8  
Site Nights 2022: 4
Site Nights 2021: 57
Site Nights 2020: 39
Site Nights 2019: 68
Site Nights 2018: 44

Our house was broken into last week. The thieves stole my trainers and an assortment of clothing but left my camouflage jacket. The police say they can run, but they can’t hide.

-------------
Pixie

Message posted by Bridgelayer03/4/2021 at 3:12pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Bridgelayer
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   735

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

Anyone else hear about the appalling behaviour on Bournemouth beach yesterday? Man and woman arguing in front of a load of kids. Then she smacked him one and it all kicked off. Police turned up and the Officer had to use his baton on the bloke, but after a struggle, the bloke got the baton off the Officer then he started hitting the Officer and the woman with it!


Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages...



A bloke took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.
The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"
"Sticks" the bloke replied.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Advertisement


Message posted by Oswestry Ed via mobile 06/4/2021 at 11:35am
Outfit:  POSSL 2Win     Location:  Marches
Joined: 26/8/2018
View Oswestry Ed's Profile View Profile   Reply to Oswestry Ed Reply   Quote Oswestry Ed Quote  
Oswestry Ed
Avatar
Silver Member
Silver Member

Forum Posts:   125
Tent Reviews:   2

Site Reviews Total: 19
Site Reviews 2022: 1  
Site Reviews 2021: 6  
Site Reviews 2020: 2  
Site Reviews 2019: 8  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2022: 5
Site Nights 2021: 16
Site Nights 2020: 5
Site Nights 2019: 16
Site Nights 2018: 5

My wife says l'm hopeless at fixing kitchen appliances.
Well, she is in for a shock.

Message posted by Bridgelayer06/4/2021 at 3:04pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Bridgelayer
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   735

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

A cross-eyed Rabbi performed a circumcision and got the sack.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Ernie DB06/4/2021 at 9:35pm
Outfit:       Location:  
Joined: 29/7/2011
View Ernie DB's Profile View Profile   Reply to Ernie DB Reply   Quote Ernie DB Quote  
Ernie DB
Avatar
Standard Member
Standard Member

Forum Posts:   90
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 0
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

For my first question on Mastermind, John Humphreys asked...

"William the Conqueror used many tactics to defeat Harold, what clever instruction did he give to his archers that finally won the battle?"

I answered.."Sorry John but I think there's been a mix-up, I asked for questions on Norman Wisdom."

-------------
Never argue with fools........They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Message posted by Bridgelayer08/4/2021 at 4:18pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Bridgelayer
Avatar
Platinum Member
Platinum Member

Forum Posts:   735

Site Reviews Total: 1
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

I bought the wife a new bag and belt for her birthday.

The Hoover is working perfectly now!


Gentlemen, make your lady feel extra special today.

Frame a photo of her, hang it in the kitchen and write 'Employee of the month' underneath ..

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Ernie DB09/4/2021 at 11:38am
Outfit:       Location:  
Joined: 29/7/2011
View Ernie DB's Profile View Profile   Reply to Ernie DB Reply   Quote Ernie DB Quote  
Ernie DB
Avatar
Standard Member
Standard Member

Forum Posts:   90
Tent Reviews:   1

Site Reviews Total: 0
Site Reviews 2022: 0  
Site Reviews 2021: 0  
Site Reviews 2020: 0  
Site Reviews 2019: 0  
Site Reviews 2018: 0  
Site Nights 2022: 0
Site Nights 2021: 0
Site Nights 2020: 0
Site Nights 2019: 0
Site Nights 2018: 0

We asked a hundred people to name something you get from Spain.
You answered 'Deported' (klaxon sounds).
Our survey said......

-------------
Never argue with fools........They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

Message posted by Oswestry Ed via mobile 13/4/2021 at 7:07pm
Outfit:  POSSL 2Win     Location:  Marches
Joined: 26/8/2018
View Oswestry Ed's Profile View Profile   Reply to Oswestry Ed Reply   Quote Oswestry Ed Quote  
Oswestry Ed
Avatar
Silver Member
Silver Member

Forum Posts:   125
Tent Reviews:   2

Site Reviews Total: 19
Site Reviews 2022: 1  
Site Reviews 2021: 6  
Site Reviews 2020: 2  
Site Reviews 2019: 8  
Site Reviews 2018: 2  
Site Nights 2022: 5
Site Nights 2021: 16
Site Nights 2020: 5
Site Nights 2019: 16
Site Nights 2018: 5

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.


In order to post a reply you will need to register, or if already registered please log in here

Prev       Next

Jump To Page:  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9

Quick Links - All Forums - Jokes and Funnies - Top of Page

Printer Friendly Version Printable version      Share   Tweet This!  Share on Facebook  Email


Latest News, Discounts and Competitions  see all...





2707 Visitors online !

Free UKCampsite.co.uk Window Sticker  -  Recommend to Friend

[Message Forums]  [Caravan Sites & Camping]  [Company Listings]  [Features / Advice]  [Virtual Brochure]  [Shop!]
[Reception]  [Competitions]  [Caravans & Motorhomes For Sale]  [Event Diary]  [Contact Us]  [Tent Reviews



Please note we are not responsible for the content of external sites & any reviews represent the author's personal view only. Please report any error here. You may view our privacy and cookie policy and terms and conditions here. All copyrights & other intellectual property rights in the design and content of this web site are reserved to the UKCampsite.co.uk © 1999 - 2022


Advertisement


Advertisement