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Subject Topic: I`ll get my coat. (Please add more)
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Message posted by Bridgelayer26/1/2022 at 5:59pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
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I'm not saying Nish Kumar isn't funny, but after 10 minutes, even the empty seats were leaving.

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer27/1/2022 at 1:36pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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I released my own fragrance today.


No one in the office seems to like it.

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer28/1/2022 at 5:49pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
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I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'

Apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...



I'm wondering now if it's the same ring I put on when I got married...

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by SGThomas02/2/2022 at 8:39am
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Has Covid-19 forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation.

-------------
Stuart


April-Jul 2020 Awandering we will go ( Oh if only!)

Message posted by Rod+Ali02/2/2022 at 11:50am
Outfit:  Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible     Location:  Perth
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"quando omni flunkus moritatus"

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Message posted by Bridgelayer08/2/2022 at 10:44am
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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One way or another I'm going to have to stop quoting Blondie songs.



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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by 664DaveS via mobile 08/2/2022 at 11:44am
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What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing he was gladiator!

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DS-There's more to life than football!!!

Message posted by Bridgelayer23/3/2022 at 10:39am
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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According to Diane Abbot, the small hands on the clocks are moving to thee right this weekend.

Post last edited on 23/03/2022 13:15:10

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer07/4/2022 at 12:26pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
Joined: 24/5/2012
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"We should remember what Easter is all about" is the latest message from the Archbishop of Cadbury.

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer20/4/2022 at 3:06pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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Liam Gallagher is reported as needing a double hip-replacement operation.

Will his next band be dedicated to Hip-op music?

Perhaps they could be renamed as "Midlife".

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

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Message posted by Bridgelayer28/4/2022 at 3:59pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.




'Yes!' he replied. 'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer03/5/2022 at 8:49pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down.' she says.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Tigermouse03/5/2022 at 11:15pm
Outfit:  Tent & Toyota Granvia     Location:  Bolton Lancs
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I locked myself out of the house the other day so I knocked on the door and asked the cat to let me in. He said "Me? 'Ow?"

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Tigermouse


I have a very temperamental personality - 50% temper and 50% mental

Message posted by colinlob05/5/2022 at 11:24am
Outfit:  Swift Escape     Location:  Cheshire
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Why is it when I go into a library, the feng shui books are always in the wrong place?

Message posted by Bridgelayer08/5/2022 at 9:07pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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No joy with that bird I was trying to pull on Saturday. So I had a word with the DJ and put on a request for her.


You should have seen her face when he gave a big shout out to, "Debbie in the pink top over there, celebrating her first weekend out of prison!"

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Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       

Message posted by Bridgelayer18/5/2022 at 10:14pm
Outfit:  Gobur Carousel     Location:  West Yorks
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The vicar was having problems with his false teeth so went to the local dentist.
The dentist fitted him for new teeth and told him to come back a week later for them checking. The vicar returned and was quite satisfied with the way they felt.
On the Sunday he started to give his sermon but only spoke for 5 minutes and had to give up.

The following week he was giving his sermon, but once again it was cut short.

On the tird week he started a sermon and talked for over an hour.

It turned out that he had reached for his teeth and put his wife's in by mistake. He just couldn't shut up!

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


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