Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor ‘phones and says “Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.”
Paddy says, “Nice one, when do I fight him?”
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD
Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off
An Irishmen wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?" "Red Rum" he replied"
2nd - What do you think of Damascus?" "It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive ?"
"That’s easy" he said "Popeye kicked the s**t out of them!!"
Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years "His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy
but do you treat dwarves?"The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt't wi us."
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made
by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
I was walking along the beach yesterday and picked up a tennis ball,put it in my trouser pocket.
I met my old mate and he asked what I had in my pocket,I said Tennis Ball and he looked shocked and said he had Tennis Elbow some years ago and that was very painful
Quote: Originally posted by Oxonian on 07/4/2019
I was walking along the beach yesterday and picked up a tennis ball,put it in my trouser pocket.
I met my old mate and he asked what I had in my pocket,I said Tennis Ball and he looked shocked and said he had Tennis Elbow some years ago and that was very painful
Amazing family weekend with old steam engines, classic car displays, market stalls, and full catering and bar. And camping on site - Save £25 by booking in advance.
Topic: You decide, funny or not.
via mobile 05/4/2019 at 2:17pm
