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Subject Topic: THE WIFE.
Page: 1 2
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PersonBridgelayer
01/10/2023 at 9:26pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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Last night the wife bent over me to kiss me goodnight.

I told her that that kiss took me back over 50 years.

She was not amused when I told he that when she bent over, all the wrinkles on her face had disappeared.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


PersonBridgelayer
01/10/2023 at 9:28pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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TA couple of weeks ago she gave me $29 and told me to get some of those pills that would improve our sex life.

I should NOT have bought her some slimming tablets....

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


Personurbster
02/10/2023 at 8:14am
 Location: None Entered
 Outfit: None Entered View urbster's Profile View Profile   Reply to urbster Reply   Quote urbster Quote  
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I bought my wife a Ford KA for her birthday , she said “ thats no good to me, I want something that goes from nought to sixty in under two seconds! “ So I went and swapped it for a set of bathroom scales.


Personjeff juke
16/10/2023 at 7:43pm
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-------------
Animals have feelings..

JEFF................


PersonSGThomas
29/10/2023 at 10:58am
 Location: Leigh on sea
 Outfit: None Entered View SGThomas's Profile View Profile   Reply to SGThomas Reply   Quote SGThomas Quote  
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My wife started the 5 to 2 diet.She gave up by ten past


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PersonBridgelayer
30/10/2023 at 9:05pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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The wife wanted something fast enough to go 0 - 100 in a few seconds.

I bought her a set of scales.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


PersonBridgelayer
30/10/2023 at 9:09pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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My wife was complaining about how I don’t buy her flowers.


I honestly didn’t know she had any for sale.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


Personlynles
via mobile 02/11/2023 at 8:51pm
 Location: Urmston Manchester
 Outfit:  gelert michigan 8 abi jubilee View lynles's Profile View Profile   Reply to lynles Reply   Quote lynles Quote  
Joined: 04/8/2005

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Tell her to go braless


PersonBridgelayer
10/11/2023 at 8:48pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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I went in to my chemists and asked for some Viagra.

"Do you have a prescription? " asked the pharmacist.


"No" I said " but I have a photograph of the wife "

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


PersonBridgelayer
10/11/2023 at 9:09pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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I just got a voucher offering 60% off cosmetics at Boots.


My wife will be made up.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


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PersonBridgelayer
10/11/2023 at 9:14pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


PersonBridgelayer
17/2/2024 at 8:43pm
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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What's the difference between love and marriage?

Love is blind, while marriage is an eye-opener!

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


PersonBridgelayer
06/3/2024 at 11:56am
 Location: West Yorks
 Outfit: Gobur Carousel View Bridgelayer's Profile View Profile   Reply to Bridgelayer Reply   Quote Bridgelayer Quote  
Joined: 24/5/2012

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Last night I told my wife to get her coat on.

"Why, are we going somewhere?"

"Nope,I’m off up the pub for darts night and I’m turning the heating off."

-------------
Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.

Goodbye tension, hello Pension!


       


Personkevin-t
07/3/2024 at 12:27pm
 Location: SHEFFIELD
 Outfit: Coachman laser RangeRover Sport4.4 View kevin-t's Profile View Profile   Reply to kevin-t Reply   Quote kevin-t Quote  
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We've all seen those films where as the foreigner offers xyz for the wife. 6 camels, 20 goats, 10 sheep, 4 pigs etc.etc

I would accept one wild Hyena right now for mine!

She just gave me a list of jobs that want doing around the house!!!!!
Four A4 pages. Going to cost an arm and a leg to pay all them trades people in.
😱😱😱😱


PersonRod+Ali
08/3/2024 at 8:54am
 Location: Perth
 Outfit: Bailey Ranger BMW 320d Convertible View Rod+Ali's Profile View Profile   Reply to Rod+Ali Reply   Quote Rod+Ali Quote  
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Got a phone call from the hospital saying my wife had just been rushed in.

"how is she?" I asked

"I'm afraid she's critical" they replied

"Don't worry.........you'll get used to it" I told them.

-------------
"quando omni flunkus moritatus"


PersonToad acaravan
via mobile 08/3/2024 at 4:49pm
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Last night I had a hum dinger with the wife I told her exactly what I thought of her,all the time I'd wasted with her and persistent nagging, awkwardness,fussiness I left nothing out at all...Just glad she didn't wake up



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