I just want to add my good wishes to all the others here. Whatever you do, keep on talking quietly and constructively, and you'll find a way through this.
Im just wondering how many people on this thread if it happened to them could be so forgiving or REALLY trust their partner again,i think it would be in your mind 24/7 if they were going to do it again.Personally i wish this person all the best if it works out but i think if it was me i would move on,i dont think things are really going to be the same wondering if they go out who are they with,what time will they be back, its only human to think all these things.
I read once for people to have an affair there are only two reasons,one being the excitment or two,boredom in the bedroom.Like i said i wish her all the best and things turn out ok...
I'm not sure I'd agree there, Jeff. I know 2 people who had affairs (not with each other, lol) that I'm convinced were because they were both with partners who treated them with absolute contempt and made them feel really undermined and not valued.
In one case, they went and had a lot of counselling and the partner realised the extent to which he had been neglecting my friend and taking her for granted. They are still together 10 years on and their relationship is now much more equal.
In the second case, my friend's lady friend got pregnant. She didn't want to leave her rich husband for a life of penury with my friend, so for 3 years the child's father believed her to be his own daughter. Then my friend's partner saw the light and confronted him, beat 7 shades out of him, chucked him out of the house, removed him as a director of their 2 businesses, changed the passwords on all the bank accounts and sl*gged him off to all and sundry. She also told the woman's husband that the child wasn't his.
After he got over the shock, my friend was actually relieved. He hadn't been happy for years but was unable to see a way out of the relationship because of the businesses etc, plus all their houses were just in her name. He picked himself up, got himself a job, finally settled with her for a fraction of what he really should have got and slowly put his life back together. Five years on, he has a new partner and is really happy. His ex is livid now he's with someone new and is always trying to stir things up between them. He's moved on, but she's still angry.
Jeff Juke - 7 months ago I could relate to what you are saying. But having just found out my husband has had an affair. Im now in the situation of Should I stay or should I go. I have had 20 happy years with my husband and can quite honestly say I have got to give it a go and try and work things out. Things werent perfect in our relaitionship. Sometimes life is not perfect and we lose our way. Im not saying its going to be an easy ride but if I dont try - I will never know if we can make it work. I love my husband very much and seeing what has gone on the past 6 months and how torn he has been. I am hopeful that it was a blip and that he will never ever do it again. I have got to learn to trust him all over again.
Ruth - I wish you all the best and if you feel you want to talk to someone going through possibly the same emotions etc - Im happy to talk. Louisa.dunham at sky.com
My pennies worth, if you forgive your partner, THEY will go through life wondering if you will get your own back and have an affair yourself.
You will most likely find you are both under suspicion, checking phones etc, being accountable for where you are, who you speak to.
My advise would be to split up, even for just a few weeks, don't make it too easy for her, she needs to prove herself now, words are cheap, if you don't lay down the rules, there is a danger she will think she can get away with it again down the line.
How many chances do you give someone? How high or low is your bar? Are you afraid of being by yourself, Relate will help you answer these questions.
Well a few updates:
- visit from big bosses went very well ' remarkable turnaround' and ' surpassed expectation' a few of the quotes from big bosses
- passed my NPQH ( headship qualification) ; received confirmation Friday
Couldn't risk Dubfest with forecast etc and the stress it could potentially put an already stressful situation under we booked a last minute hotel near Matlock!
Has been great to be away from the house and to spend time with the kids ( 10 and 3 - long story!!) as a family.Also good for us to spend time together.
It's been hard though - as hard as I try to put things to rest and move on my head is constantly going....
Any ideas for if/ when that will stop. I seem to get longer periods when my head/ heart is ' free ' from the pain and hurt.
Thank you again to everyone that has offered support, advice and good wishes.
Good luck to those of you experiencing similar.
I just popped on to see if you had put an update on.
It looks as though things are 'coming round'. Even if over time you decide your relationship is unworkable, at least you have allowing yourself to reflect on the situation and it seems as though you are working through your emotions.
Amazing family weekend with old steam engines, classic car displays, market stalls, and full catering and bar. And camping on site - Save £25 by booking in advance.
Topic: Affairs....
