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Subject Topic: Showering like a woman! Post Reply Post New Topic
Message posted by carolines10/6/2013 at 1:01am
Outfit:  Vangro Tigris 400     Location:  Kent
Joined: 26/7/2003
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How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. ( I am currently trying to find where I can purchase this) Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her, making the
'woo-hoo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk hair-do.
Pish!
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain was hanging out of baththe whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake Willy at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

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Caroline

Message posted by madz10/6/2013 at 4:42am
Outfit:  swift 530     Location:  east midlands
Joined: 21/8/2009
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Made me laugh so much especially because its true.

Message posted by Thekilpins10/6/2013 at 9:40am
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OMG, someone's put hidden cameras in my house

Message posted by Mucker188410/6/2013 at 10:20am
Outfit:  Karsten 350+Awnings &2x Kampa Classics     Location:  Derby.
Joined: 01/7/2012
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Hmm...
Note to self.....
Make shampoo Mohawk hairdo in shower!


Thanks, Caroline!!

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2020: 24 nights. Pfft! :-(
2019: A personal best 50 nights
2018: Just the 30 nights
2017: 34 nights/8 camps
2016: 32 nights/8 camps
2015: 38 nights/11 camps
2014: 34 nights/10 camps
2013: 36 nights
From July 2012: 23 nights

Message posted by carolines10/6/2013 at 6:21pm
Outfit:  Vangro Tigris 400     Location:  Kent
Joined: 26/7/2003
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Made me chuckle!

-------------
Caroline

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Message posted by fragglerock7410/6/2013 at 6:21pm
Outfit:   Vango Icarus 500     Location:  Leeds
Joined: 18/9/2010
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So true x

-------------
Sharron

Magic Cove.... Newquay 18th May weather permitting
nothing else planned as yet

Message posted by krazykamper10/6/2013 at 7:15pm
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Extremely funny!! You could not get any closer to the male version!! The female routine is very correct but does not happen all the time because us females simply don't have enough time for all that on a daily basis!!

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2015 Trips

January - Red Squirrel
February - Red Squirrel
March - Gimme Shelter
April - Elie
May - Noah's Ark
May - Riverside, Skipton
May - Blair Castle
June - Braithwaite Bridges
July - The Star
July - Witches Craig
July - Scone
August - Highburn House
September - Gimme Shelter

Message posted by steventhehamster10/6/2013 at 9:11pm
Outfit:  Tentless     Location:  west yorkshire
Joined: 05/2/2007
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That's made me cry laughing. That is so my hubby (the male version lol)

-------------
caraline


Message posted by mikegalagher10/6/2013 at 9:40pm
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Same idea as the Perfect Day gag, but still funny...

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying sh*t while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot and shows her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Another Blow job
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 sh*t, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

-------------
Mike

My advice is worth no more than the price paid for it

Prague May/Jun 2017
Lake Annecy Aug 2017


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