You have done the right thing - don't beat yourself up. Motherhood is very hard!
I am a mum of 2 girls, 14 and nearly 12. I don't work and I absolutely do not stand for having to do everything in the house. I do the bulk of it, of course. But I gave up work to raise my girls, not be cinderella. For a long time, both my girls know that if their clothes don't make it into the laundry basket, they don't get washed. If their rooms aren't tidy, they don't get dusted and hoovered. My hubby is away a lot and I suffer with a chronic bowel condition, so they HAVE to do their bit around the house.
In my experience, it's made them really helpful and responsible. Don't get me wrong - sometimes I have to fight them off their Nintendoes or the computer, but we get there in the end!
Your daughter, if she has left home, just needs a nudge in the right direction. She'll never learn if she doesn't do things herself! She should bake in her own house and then learn never to say she'll do it again lol!
You're her mum, yes. But sometimes "no" is said for their own good. You obviously love all your children and put them first. xx
I would let her use your kitchen but make it very clear she is to clean up afterwards and must provide all the ingredients but can use utensils etc. You still have your boys living at home so it seems unfair not to let her use your kitchen occasionally.
Alternatively why can't one of her brothers help her with them or help you with the rest of the housework.
Maybe its you she wants, have you offered to go to her flat to help her, Im sure your other grown up family members can look after themselves for a few hours.
Think how you would feel if she disappeared from your life completely.
She could be asking for your help in more ways than you think?????
My mum and me often bake together at her house, its a nice time that we share and I pick up tips along the way. My sister in laws and nieces join in too sometimes, it's good girlie time which, with three sons of my own, is all too rare.
On the Face of it no it doesn't seem mean. When you add in that you are still doing the same things for your sons as 10 years ago, partially because you are giving so much time to your sons you are unable to give time to your daughter that suddenly does make it unfair.
Get your sons off their lazy backsides have them do the housework tomorrow and go spend some pleasant mother daughter time. Buy the flippin cakes and slap a bit of icing on them at your daughters house and take her out for lunch. You will both feel better for it.
We are trying here to come up with reasons for DD's request... Perhaps you should ask her why she wanted to do the cooking in your kitchen.. I would start with a sit down chat with a cuppa and get some communication going. Until you know exactly what she wants from you (apart from the use of your kitchen) don't say yes!
Quote: Originally posted by SGThomas on 30/1/2014
Saying "No" to children and watching their faces crumple just before tears, makes parenthood so worthwhile.
Eldest lives with her boyfriend, and they are expecting a baby. She has bought a pram which is virtually new, for a fraction of the new cost but the trouble is, it's 30 miles away. Wife was going to take her, but they have fallen out (Again.) and today she rang me and asked me to take her tomorrow, but I said no as I was at work today, and tomorrow is the only day I'll be having off. I told her to take it up with her Mum, and that I am not going to be part of their argument.
Trouble is, she expects to be ran around here, there and everywhere, but we have lives of our own, and her boyfriends Mum hasn't offered to take her either. So now we are getting from her that we won't see the baby etc etc, but I am not going to be treated like some kind of taxi when it suits her.
So am I being mean, or should she and her Mum get their heads together and sort their own mess out?
Post last edited on 01/02/2014 19:12:02
------------- Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.
Winston Churchill. 21st August 1940
No you're not being mean. She should have thought about the pram being 30 miles away when she bought it instead of taking it for granted that you or her mum would take her to collect it.
Of course she could always do what I did - 7 months pregnant and went from home to the far side of Manchester on my own, 3 buses each way, to collect the pram that I bought, and it was a lot bigger than the prams of today.
(And that's one reason why I always keep my van packed up for camping, so there's no room for passengers or their stuff!)
------------- Tigermouse
I have a very temperamental personality - 50% temper and 50% mental
My second post on this subject and i must be the odd one out, i run around after my son and daughter in law almost daily and love doing it. Im just a phone call away, we also take them on holiday whenever they can get the time off.
And before anyone says they should be independent, they are and they dont ask we offer.
Quote: Originally posted by alpiner on 01/2/2014
My second post on this subject and i must be the odd one out, i run around after my son and daughter in law almost daily and love doing it. Im just a phone call away, we also take them on holiday whenever they can get the time off.
And before anyone says they should be independent, they are and they dont ask we offer.
With you alpiner Spent so long away in the armed forces .....that now its a joy to help out
Quinny - I think a family meeting is in order!! You need to let your daughter know that you are there for her and excited for the arrival of your grandchild. But she also needs to remember that you are not at her beck-and-call: you have jobs, lives of your own etc. She should really have told you about the pram being 30 miles away BEFORE she bought it, so you could have arranged a mutual time.
It would be a shame to let this come between you. The fact that she is ranting that you can't see the baby etc, I take it the relationship is already on a poor footing?
Oh for heaven's sake - I can't believe that about the pram!! I'm sorry you've been through all that - being a parent never seems to get easier. What a good thing you did though.
Hopefully she'll have learned a little caution about buying a pram and finding one nearer so she can take a look first.
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Topic: Worst mother in the world.........
Spent so long away in the armed forces .....that now its a joy to help out 
